Transcript - Lois and Clark: Soulmates

Clip 301

Clark is in a wooded area in the 11th Century with H.G. Wells. He’s dressed like Robin Hood. Two soldiers
approach on horseback.

Soldier 1: Holy Mother of God—The Fox. We captured The Fox! Hey, we got the Fox!

Soldier 2: Be sharp, he's a crafty one.

The soldiers draw their swords and point them at Clark.

Clark: Look, there must be some kind of mistake, here...

Baron Tempos: (Comes riding up. He looks just like Tempus) Well, well, what do we have here?

Clark: Tempus?

Soldier 1: That’s Baron Tempos to you!

Clark: Baron Tempos?

Wells: Oh, dear.

Baron: Don't you remember me? I'm the bad guy who collects horrendously unfair taxes, and you're the
good guy who robs me blind and gives it all back to the poor.

Lois rides up.

Clark: Lois!

Lois: Clark!

Baron: Clark?  Who's Clark?

Lois: Clark..., Um...

Wells: She means me.  I'm Clark.  Sir Clark of Kent.

Baron:  Really. Good God, don't tell me that's what the Saxons are wearing now? But I digress. Where
was I? Ah, yes, I remember.  Behead the Fox.

The soldiers force Clark down with his head resting on a tree truck. He has none of his super strength or
powers.

Lois: No!

Baron: Let's see you get out of this one

A group of villagers emerge in the nick of time. They stop the execution of Clark and hold Baron Tempus at
bay with their weapons as they pull him from his horse.

Baron: (To Clark) Nicely done.

Friar Harry: (Who looks just like Perry White) Great shades of Caesar, the ambush worked to perfection.  
Three cheers for The Fox.  Hip-hip

Crowd: Hooray!  

Friar Harry: Hip-hip

Crowd: Hooray!

Friar Harry: Hip-hip

Crowd: Hooray!

Clark: Perry?

Friar: Harry, son. Friar Harry. What's the matter, get conked on the head or something?

Baron: (To crowd) Take your hands off of me, or I'll run you through! I said unhand me!

The Baron continues to bait the crowd while Clark helps Lois off of her horse.

Lois: Clark, you're hurt! Are you okay?

Clark: Yeah.

Friar:  (To Baron Tempos) I've got a better idea, Baron. Why don’t I take your gold, then run you through?

Clark: Wait, wait, no. If we stoop to his ways, we're no better than he is. Let's just make him walk home in
defeat, without Lady Loisette.

Friar: That's a great idea. Humiliate the man. All right, all right, you heard The Fox.  Let's move! After you,
Baron.

Baron: (to Clark) You have not seen the last of me. (To Harry) You’ll burn in hell, Friar. (Continues to
grumble as he walks away.)


Clip 302

Baron: (Walking across a camp, he speaks to a soldier as he passes) Find me Sir Charles, now! (Enters a
tent as a sorcerer mutters to a rat in a small cage.)  Really, Sorcerer, you must stop talking to rodents.  It
completely undermines your credibility.

Sorcerer: Baron, I fear a strange magic, a force unlike any other has entered our sphere.

Baron: Never mind that. I've got more pressing concerns.  The Fox has stolen Lady Loisette from me, and I
simply can't have that. I hate it when the hero gets the heroine. It's so cliché.

Sorcerer: Why do you want to force her to marry you anyway?  Simply to rule over her fiefdom?

Baron: Why, sure, power's fun.  But the added bonus is it'd destroy The Fox because she's his girl.  That's
why I want you to make her love me.

Sorcerer: Would that I could, Sire. Unfortunately, spells can enchant, and they can damn, but they can
never force the ways of a heart.

Baron: You're sure about that?  You've talked with all the other sorcerers?

Sorcerer: Positive.

Baron: Very well, I'll try a more conventional approach first.  But, if that fails, I want you to prepare your
most diabolical curse and doom their love for all time.

Sorcerer: Gladly.


Clips 303

Clark enters the Sorcerer’s tent as Sir Charles.

Sorcerer: (To rat) And now you're being nice to me, eh?

Clark: Nice rat.  What's his name?

Sorcerer: Her name is Morgana.  She's my wife, actually—at least she was, until I caught her in the arms
of another.  The perks of being a sorcerer. Wait 'til you see what I'm cooking up for The Fox!

Baron: (Enters the tent) What have we here?  My prized knight has deigned to make an appearance, has
he? (He holds out his ring for Clark to kiss. Clark hesitates and does what’s expected. ) Your eyes betray
you, my friend. You don't much like stooping to me, do you?

Clark: As a rule, no, Baron.

Baron: (Laughs) That's what I like about you, Charles.  You're fearless.  Which is precisely why I want you
to duel The Fox.  In my name, of course.

Clark: That's impossible...

Baron: Impossible, why?

Clark: Because, The Fox is on the loose.

Baron: Not for long, I assure you.  He will be captured, and when he is, you will defeat him for all to see.
Then, after The Fox is vanquished once and for all, I will marry Lady Loisette. And live happily ever after.


Clip 304

Baron Tempus is riding with soldiers as Wells and Lois hide in bushes. Clark (The Fox) is perched in tree.
When the Baron rides below him, he jumps down upon him, knocking him off his horse.

Clark: Heard you were looking for me, Tempos. (The Baron gets to his feet and draws his sword.) Careful,
careful, you wouldn't want to make a martyr out of me, would you?

Baron: (To his soldiers) Search the area for Lady Loisette! After all, foxes mate for life.
Clark (The Fox) is standing next to Wells.      

Next Scene is back at the camp as everyone prepares for the duel. They’re just waiting for Sir Charles to
show up.

Clark: Tempos, Looks like it's just you and me.

Baron: Don't be ridiculous. I'm a baron. I have people for that sort of thing. I only duel nobility. Where is Sir
Charles?

Clark: (Takes off his mask) Right in front of you.

Squire Jeremy: Sir Charles?!  You're The Fox? I love it!

Baron: Well, of course, it all makes perfect sense.  Never in the same place at the same time.  Always
ducking out and returning with some lame excuse.  I can't believe I was actually fooled by a little mask over
the eyes.

Lois: Duh!  Join the club! (Goes to stand next to Clark)

Baron: Sir Charles is right. This fight to the death is between him and me! (Moves around preparing for
the duel while talking.)

Clark: Fight to the what?

Wells: Oh, dear, dear.

Lois: What are you’re going to do? If you let him win, he'll kill you.

Clark: I know, but maybe that's the only way.

Lois: Are you crazy?

Clark: (To Wells) What would happen to me, er Clark, if Sir Charles, you know?

Wells: Yes, I'm not sure.  Although, souls never die, so it really shouldn't affect, er, Clark.

Baron: (To Clark) Is there a more noble way to die than for love, Sir Charles?

Clark: (To Lois) I don't want to die, but if that's what it takes for us to be together, it's easy. (He kisses her
to stop her protests).

Lois: Clark…

Clark: All right, Tempos, you want me? Come and get me.

Baron: With pleasure (The Baron hurls a ball and chain at Clark, who ducks and it hits a bystander.) Drat.
My sword!

They fight and Clark ends up on his knees with the tip of the Baron’s sword pointed at his throat.

Baron: I hope you believe in the afterlife.

Lois: No!  Stop, wait! If you spare his life, I'll marry you.

Clark: Lois!

Baron: Well that’s touching, but if I don't spare his life, you'll be forced to marry
me anyway.  What do I get out of it?

Lois: The one thing you can't force, my fidelity.

Clark: Lois, you can't—

Baron: I accept.  On one condition, non-negotiable.  Sir Charles is to leave the country, never to return.  
Not that I don't trust you, m'lady, but why tempt temptation?

Lois: He accepts. (To Clark) I can't let you die.

Baron: Fetch the Bishop, tell him he's got a wedding to perform!


Clip 305

Clark is now in the old West as The Lone Rider.  He’s standing on a platform and is about to be hanged.

Clark: Hey, what's going on?

Tempus Tex: Any final words, Lone Rider? Reveal your secret identity, perhaps?

Clark: Lone Rider?

Tempus Tex: (To Lois standing next to him.) Last chance, Lulu.  Just say the magic words, darling, that's
all I require.

Lois: Magic words ? I don't—Lulu?

Sheriff Jeremiah (Jimmy):  All right, Tempus, that's enough. Come on, let him down!

Tempus Tex: You forget what happened to the last three sheriffs, Sheriff? (To Lois) Tick, tock, darlin', tick
tock. (She hesitates) Very well. Pull!

Lois: No! No!

Clark: (The platform beneath him opens up but avoids being hung by braces his feet outward.)

Lois: If you spare his life' I'll marry you?

Clark: No!

Tempus Tex: I accept.  On one condition, non-negotiable.  The Lone Rider is
to ride out of town, never to return—Whoa, talk about your deja vu.

Clark slips through the opening but Tempus Tex shoots the rope and Clark drops to the ground unharmed.

Tempus Tex: Shoot, missed high. You made a wise decision, Lulu. You and your dowry are gonna make
me a very rich man.

Sheriff Jeremiah: (Whispers to Clark as he unties his hands) Can you whistle?

Clark: What?

Sheriff Jeremiah: Whistle.

Clark whistles and a horse comes to him. He mounts the horse, pulls Lois up on it, and together they ride
off.

Tempus Tex: After them you cretins!


Clip 306

Tempus and his men ride up on horseback to where Lois, Clark, and Wells are standing.

Lois: (To Tempus) Oh, thank goodness, there you are! I'm so glad you showed up!

Tempus Tex: Is that a fact?  And where, pray tell, is that pesky Lone Rider?

Lois: He rode off.  And I screamed for help and I was rescued by this—(Indicates Clark who has changed
his clothes and put on glasses) mild mannered telegraph operator.

Tempus Tex: Really?  Well, how fortuitous, sir, you just happened to be here.  Out in the middle of
nowhere, miles from the nearest telegraph. (He stares at Clark for a few seconds) We met before?  You
look awfully familiar.

Clark: I have that kind of face.

Tempus Tex: So you do. (He looks at Wells) I don't even want to know who you are. (To Lois) Well,
come, my dear.  We'd better get on with our wedding before you require any more rescuing. (He helps her
up on his horse) (To Clark) I'm forever in you debt, sir.  I trust our paths will cross again.

Clark: Bet on it. (Tempus Tex glares at him) Sir.


Clip 307

Tempus Tex and Lois exit a building. He has a document in his hand. Clark is spying on them.

Lois: All right, I've signed the prenuptial agreement, now why don't you just release the hostages?

Tempus Tex: Hostages?  What hostages? Is that the only reason you signed your land over to me?  
Because I've got your parents strapped to a little ol' barrel of dynamite?

Lois: My parents?  That's who you're holding?  You are evil incarnate.

Tempus Tex: Why, sure. Is that a bad thing? In any event, I don't have anything until I have your hand,
and it feels like I've been chasing that forever. That said, if you don't become my wife in exactly ten
minutes, I'm afraid next up on the preacher's docket will be Mom and Dad's funeral.

Lois: Ten minutes?

Tempus Tex leads Lois to where the wedding party is waiting outdoors.

Reverend Percy: (Looks like Perry White) All right, let's get this wedding on the road here!

Tempus Tex goes to talk with the photographer, and Lois uses that opportunity to speak to Clark.

Lois: He's got my parents tied to dynamite and it's going to go off in ten minutes unless I marry him which
means evil wins and we're screwed!

Clark: Don't worry, I'll find them. This sounds like a job for, The Lone Rider. (He rolls his eyes) Jeez.

Tempus Tex: (He returns to Lois’ side and addresses the Reverend) Shall we?

Reverend Percy: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to unite these two fine people in
holy matrimony. I’m not used to doing this without the flower girl…


Clip 308

Reverend Percy: Do you, Tempus Tex, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to
hold—

Tempus Tex:  I do.  Sorry, this is the point where the villain accelerates things. Now, skip on down!

Next Scene.

Tempus Tex: Time's up, Lulu. It's now or never.

Lois: (She sees that Clark has returned and he gives her a ‘thumbs up’ sign.) In that case, I think I'll
choose never.  And, in your case, Tempus, I do mean never.  Literally.

Tempus Tex: (He grabs Lois’ arm roughly) Why, Lulu, I'm crushed.  Jilted at the altar was not part of my
plan.  Oh, well, I guess this fairy tale gets an unhappy ending.  (To Photographer) Take the picture,
George. Now.

The Photographer pushes the button and there’s an explosion.  

Clark: All right, Tempus, it's over, Tempus Tex.  You've run out of lives.

Tempus: Whatever that means. (He pulls his gun on Lois.). I don't know if you've noticed, but I hate to
lose. Especially to you. (Clark points his gun at Tempus, and while still maintaining a strong grip on Lois,
he turns his gun on Clark.) Willing to die for your love, are you?

Clark: It wouldn't be the first time.

(Lois elbows Tempus in the stomach and he doubles over. Clark kicks the gun out of Tempus’ hand.
Tempus then tries to outrun Clark. Clark chases him down, tackles, and then punches him in the face when
they get up.

Wells: Quite good! Quite good! Doesn't that hurt?

Clark: (Shaking his sore hand) Yeah, but I'm kind of starting to like it. (He pulls Tempus Tex up on his feet)
All right Sheriff, he's all yours.

Sheriff Jeremiah: Gladly. (He gives a woman a kiss) I'll see you at home, honey. I want to talk to Mr.
Eastman about that new camera of his.

Woman: Okay, honey.

Sheriff Jeremiah: Let's go, Tempus.