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Prologue
The desert and the Indian were far away now, but Mason's normal life did not seem normal to
him. He felt rather like a soldier who came back from his own war. Things that used to be
important looked shallow now; the people who, Mason knew, he loved irritated him. What he
really wanted was to be left alone.
No, being alone was not a panacea. In his sleep he groaned; sometimes he would wake up in
the middle of the night with his face wet. At such moments Mason was really grateful to see
Julia who quietly came in and placed her cool hand on his forehead. He would kiss her hand,
apologize and ask her to stay with him, and he would move making room for her. Julia had
moved in with Mason when he was back, and normally they slept apart, for Julia was not
comfortable with her big belly. However, on such nights she would agree, and she would lie
with Mason, and more often than not she would fall asleep while he was holding her, thinking.
The wedding preparations would be over soon, and they would be wed. It made him feel
somewhat uneasy. Mason knew it was he who insisted on it, but he could not help wondering if
that was a mistake. He thought he knew that Julia was the right choice; but to be with her all his
life? to have a wife and two kids; was there anything else to look forward to, or was his life as
good as done and over at this point?
On the other hand, if Mason imagined his life without Matt and Julia, and the unborn new baby,
he just shuddered and held Julia tighter. A senseless journey that could not come to an end too
soon. The life of an cracked empty bottle. The existence of a dry leaf. The pregnant woman in
his arms was real, warm, loving; and then Mason would thank God and pray Him to give him
confidence and strength not to let Julia down.
Mason could not but see that Julia was worried. She tried to talk to him, and he assured her
that it was not the prospect of their wedding he was questioning; that he was depressed after
what he had endured, that was all. Mason himself did not know how much of this was true.
When he first came home and saw Sophia who hurried to him with little Matt in her arms, tears
came to Mason’s eyes. He took the baby, kissed the small head and silently thanked God for
letting him see his son again. However, when soon Matt got tired, or hungry, or something and
started crying, Mason was relieved to let a nanny take care of the baby.
Probably he’d be over it soon. He certainly hoped so.
He wanted quiet, and dim, and soft. But he did not want to be alone any more.
So Mason would kiss Julia’s fingers again and, avoiding her searching melancholy eyes, he
would whisper, “Please – please stay with me; I’ll try not to disturb you.”
The desert and the Indian were far away now, but Mason's normal life did not seem normal to
him. He felt rather like a soldier who came back from his own war. Things that used to be
important looked shallow now; the people who, Mason knew, he loved irritated him. What he
really wanted was to be left alone.
No, being alone was not a panacea. In his sleep he groaned; sometimes he would wake up in
the middle of the night with his face wet. At such moments Mason was really grateful to see
Julia who quietly came in and placed her cool hand on his forehead. He would kiss her hand,
apologize and ask her to stay with him, and he would move making room for her. Julia had
moved in with Mason when he was back, and normally they slept apart, for Julia was not
comfortable with her big belly. However, on such nights she would agree, and she would lie
with Mason, and more often than not she would fall asleep while he was holding her, thinking.
The wedding preparations would be over soon, and they would be wed. It made him feel
somewhat uneasy. Mason knew it was he who insisted on it, but he could not help wondering if
that was a mistake. He thought he knew that Julia was the right choice; but to be with her all his
life? to have a wife and two kids; was there anything else to look forward to, or was his life as
good as done and over at this point?
On the other hand, if Mason imagined his life without Matt and Julia, and the unborn new baby,
he just shuddered and held Julia tighter. A senseless journey that could not come to an end too
soon. The life of an cracked empty bottle. The existence of a dry leaf. The pregnant woman in
his arms was real, warm, loving; and then Mason would thank God and pray Him to give him
confidence and strength not to let Julia down.
Mason could not but see that Julia was worried. She tried to talk to him, and he assured her
that it was not the prospect of their wedding he was questioning; that he was depressed after
what he had endured, that was all. Mason himself did not know how much of this was true.
When he first came home and saw Sophia who hurried to him with little Matt in her arms, tears
came to Mason’s eyes. He took the baby, kissed the small head and silently thanked God for
letting him see his son again. However, when soon Matt got tired, or hungry, or something and
started crying, Mason was relieved to let a nanny take care of the baby.
Probably he’d be over it soon. He certainly hoped so.
He wanted quiet, and dim, and soft. But he did not want to be alone any more.
So Mason would kiss Julia’s fingers again and, avoiding her searching melancholy eyes, he
would whisper, “Please – please stay with me; I’ll try not to disturb you.”
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