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Chapter 6
Why was it always like a new wound, when actually there was not a single unwounded spot in his heart,
Mason wondered. He always felt like drinking after those exhausting duels with his father. It never failed to hurt
him to the depth of his being: just how much his own father hated him. CC would ever find a reason to proclaim
Mason unworthy, and destroy every chance for his happiness.
It was truly amazing, for Mason never hated his father. He often said he did, but he did not. Why did his father
hate his first-born, ever since he was a small boy? He was Pamela's boy, that's why. He'd stand by his mother
now that he'd found her, there was no question of that.
As to Julia... Mason would not let his father destroy their relationship. He'd not let him do what he'd tried to do
to Mary: to convince her Mason was not worthy of her love. CC wouldn't hesitate to tell Julia the worst tales of
Mason's past and present, and Mason knew Julia could believe his father. Any action can be interpreted in
different ways, and Julia was just too vulnerable and too obstinate.
Mason did not trust her enough to be sure she'd not leave him, in this case. So, he had to be the first to strike,
not to let CC ruin their chance.
After the talk with CC Mason gave much time to thought. He really wanted to drink himself to oblivion, but he
resisted the temptation. If he did, he'd give his father an only too welcome opportunity to disparage him. No, he
could not lose Julia - and he wouldn't.
*
Hardly had Julia got home when the phone rang.
"Julia?"
"Hi Mason."
He could tell by her voice she smiled. He saw her in his mind's eye, sitting by the phone, holding the receiver
to her ear. He smiled, too.
"Can I drop by?"
"Now?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
He appeared at her doorstep in less than ten minutes. It made her think he'd phoned from the beach, by her
place.
He handed Julia a bunch of flowers.
"It's for you."
"Thank you Mason!" She smelled the flowers. "Any special occasion?"
He walked past her into her lounge and turned. "Why?"
Julia shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything - just teasing."
"Teasing?" Mason frowned.
She saw something was wrong but he thought it'd be better to let him tell her in his time.
"Yes," she said. "I mean the first time you brought me flowers turned into a very special occasion, don't you
think?"
"Ah, yes," he agreed absent-mindedly.
Julia found a vase and arranged the flowers. "Beautiful. Thank you Mason."
She kissed him on the cheek; he did not respond, just smiled to acknowledge the caress.
"I need to talk to you, Julia."
"Okay," she said quietly. "Won't you sit down?"
Mason shook his head. "No, I'd rather stand." After this, he kept silent for a while. Julia waited.
It did not take her long to start panicking. Mason looked so grave - but if something had happened, would he
bring her flowers?
"Okay," she said in a while, losing her patience slightly. "You said we need to talk."
"Yes." Mason looked at her strangely. "Will you marry me, Julia?"
He was watching Julia's face; he could see she was stunned.
"You m-mean?" she stumbled.
"I mean: will you marry me, Julia? You're carrying our baby. I guess it's natural--"
Julia turned away. Mason was tense, and this obvious desire to hide her face hurt him. He was used to Julia's
being sincere and open with him, and he was not ready for this reaction.
Quickly, Mason walked up to her, took her by the shoulders and gently turned back to him. "Julia?"
"Mason," she said looking up. "I--"
"Talk to me."
Julia nodded. "Mason, I don't want you to feel obliged to do this."
"What are you talking about? You're pregnant, it's OUR baby, Julia!"
"I know. I don't want you to feel you owe us anything. I would never respect myself if I trapped you like this."
"I've never felt trapped by you, Julia," he said impatiently. "I trust you, and I know you did not plan this; I just
want to marry you now, and to make the baby legitimate."
He wanted Julia to get reasonable and see it was the natural way for their relationship to develop. For some
reason, she wouldn't.
"For God's sake, Mason," she said giving a nervous laugh. "It's the end of the 20th century; what century are
you living in? How very noble and - Arthurian of you, Mason. Oh - and if you were my first man you'd feel so
responsible it'd kill you, wouldn't it? You must thank God I was not a virgin, to add to this all."
She did not know what she was saying; he winced as if with pain. "Mary was," he said curtly. "...And I married
her. It was - different, Julia, no sense talking about it. Or joking. I didn't marry her because I was her first man."
"I know," Julia said with a grimace of her own to match his. "Of course it was different, wasn't it, Mason?
Because you loved Mary, this is what was different. And this is the reason, don't you think?"
"The reason for what?" Mason tried desperately to see what was wrong with them - what had gone wrong if it
had started right.
Julia turned away again; and Mason took her tenderly by the hand. He was vexed and did not want to believe
in what seemed to be happening. "Julia," he tried again. "Don't you - please, I don't feel obliged, I want to marry
you."
"Why?" she said trying to control her voice.
"Don't you know? You're pregnant, and we'd be gre--"
"No Mason," Julia interrupted. Tears were close, but she'd give anything to hide them from Mason.
He stepped back, his face suddenly cold, but she did not see this.
"No?" he echoed.
"We shouldn't. The reasons are all wrong."
"No," he said again in disbelief. Julia had said she loved him, hadn't she? It had given him the courage, and
now -- "So - you're rejecting me, are you?"
The tears came, and Julia bit her lip. "Mason--"
"It's ok. You must excuse me."
Mason hurriedly walked out, shut the door and pressed his back to it. Julia rejected him - and his father would
be only too happy to gloat.
Well, now there was no reason not to get drunk.
Why was it always like a new wound, when actually there was not a single unwounded spot in his heart,
Mason wondered. He always felt like drinking after those exhausting duels with his father. It never failed to hurt
him to the depth of his being: just how much his own father hated him. CC would ever find a reason to proclaim
Mason unworthy, and destroy every chance for his happiness.
It was truly amazing, for Mason never hated his father. He often said he did, but he did not. Why did his father
hate his first-born, ever since he was a small boy? He was Pamela's boy, that's why. He'd stand by his mother
now that he'd found her, there was no question of that.
As to Julia... Mason would not let his father destroy their relationship. He'd not let him do what he'd tried to do
to Mary: to convince her Mason was not worthy of her love. CC wouldn't hesitate to tell Julia the worst tales of
Mason's past and present, and Mason knew Julia could believe his father. Any action can be interpreted in
different ways, and Julia was just too vulnerable and too obstinate.
Mason did not trust her enough to be sure she'd not leave him, in this case. So, he had to be the first to strike,
not to let CC ruin their chance.
After the talk with CC Mason gave much time to thought. He really wanted to drink himself to oblivion, but he
resisted the temptation. If he did, he'd give his father an only too welcome opportunity to disparage him. No, he
could not lose Julia - and he wouldn't.
*
Hardly had Julia got home when the phone rang.
"Julia?"
"Hi Mason."
He could tell by her voice she smiled. He saw her in his mind's eye, sitting by the phone, holding the receiver
to her ear. He smiled, too.
"Can I drop by?"
"Now?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
He appeared at her doorstep in less than ten minutes. It made her think he'd phoned from the beach, by her
place.
He handed Julia a bunch of flowers.
"It's for you."
"Thank you Mason!" She smelled the flowers. "Any special occasion?"
He walked past her into her lounge and turned. "Why?"
Julia shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything - just teasing."
"Teasing?" Mason frowned.
She saw something was wrong but he thought it'd be better to let him tell her in his time.
"Yes," she said. "I mean the first time you brought me flowers turned into a very special occasion, don't you
think?"
"Ah, yes," he agreed absent-mindedly.
Julia found a vase and arranged the flowers. "Beautiful. Thank you Mason."
She kissed him on the cheek; he did not respond, just smiled to acknowledge the caress.
"I need to talk to you, Julia."
"Okay," she said quietly. "Won't you sit down?"
Mason shook his head. "No, I'd rather stand." After this, he kept silent for a while. Julia waited.
It did not take her long to start panicking. Mason looked so grave - but if something had happened, would he
bring her flowers?
"Okay," she said in a while, losing her patience slightly. "You said we need to talk."
"Yes." Mason looked at her strangely. "Will you marry me, Julia?"
He was watching Julia's face; he could see she was stunned.
"You m-mean?" she stumbled.
"I mean: will you marry me, Julia? You're carrying our baby. I guess it's natural--"
Julia turned away. Mason was tense, and this obvious desire to hide her face hurt him. He was used to Julia's
being sincere and open with him, and he was not ready for this reaction.
Quickly, Mason walked up to her, took her by the shoulders and gently turned back to him. "Julia?"
"Mason," she said looking up. "I--"
"Talk to me."
Julia nodded. "Mason, I don't want you to feel obliged to do this."
"What are you talking about? You're pregnant, it's OUR baby, Julia!"
"I know. I don't want you to feel you owe us anything. I would never respect myself if I trapped you like this."
"I've never felt trapped by you, Julia," he said impatiently. "I trust you, and I know you did not plan this; I just
want to marry you now, and to make the baby legitimate."
He wanted Julia to get reasonable and see it was the natural way for their relationship to develop. For some
reason, she wouldn't.
"For God's sake, Mason," she said giving a nervous laugh. "It's the end of the 20th century; what century are
you living in? How very noble and - Arthurian of you, Mason. Oh - and if you were my first man you'd feel so
responsible it'd kill you, wouldn't it? You must thank God I was not a virgin, to add to this all."
She did not know what she was saying; he winced as if with pain. "Mary was," he said curtly. "...And I married
her. It was - different, Julia, no sense talking about it. Or joking. I didn't marry her because I was her first man."
"I know," Julia said with a grimace of her own to match his. "Of course it was different, wasn't it, Mason?
Because you loved Mary, this is what was different. And this is the reason, don't you think?"
"The reason for what?" Mason tried desperately to see what was wrong with them - what had gone wrong if it
had started right.
Julia turned away again; and Mason took her tenderly by the hand. He was vexed and did not want to believe
in what seemed to be happening. "Julia," he tried again. "Don't you - please, I don't feel obliged, I want to marry
you."
"Why?" she said trying to control her voice.
"Don't you know? You're pregnant, and we'd be gre--"
"No Mason," Julia interrupted. Tears were close, but she'd give anything to hide them from Mason.
He stepped back, his face suddenly cold, but she did not see this.
"No?" he echoed.
"We shouldn't. The reasons are all wrong."
"No," he said again in disbelief. Julia had said she loved him, hadn't she? It had given him the courage, and
now -- "So - you're rejecting me, are you?"
The tears came, and Julia bit her lip. "Mason--"
"It's ok. You must excuse me."
Mason hurriedly walked out, shut the door and pressed his back to it. Julia rejected him - and his father would
be only too happy to gloat.
Well, now there was no reason not to get drunk.